we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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