Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
