i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
