There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
