I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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