I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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