4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were trust falling into bushes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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