i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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