I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
