I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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