The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
