So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
