i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
