Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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