Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
