So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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