Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
