I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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