im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
