Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
