wanna go halves on a baby?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
