So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
