looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize