I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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