just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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