I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
