the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone came in the potted fern
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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