the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
