God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
being pregnant is like rehab
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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