i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
