This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
