The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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