I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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