end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize