His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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