my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
