me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
