so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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