'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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