I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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