apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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