there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
