ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
