I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
