My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
