do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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