He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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