Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
