M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
