I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
