Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We're too hungover to prance.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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