you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
