that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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