Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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