he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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