I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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