I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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