swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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