The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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