Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
