Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
