we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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