So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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