quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
