Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I forgot wine drunk hurts
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
