Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
