i think my tv is drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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