the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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