i think i have herpe
just one?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
