I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
