o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
