I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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