At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
