are you so shy because you have an std?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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