saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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