so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
