My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
