i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
