he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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