He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
