found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
