i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
