I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish you could order shots online.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
