I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
zippers are such a cool invention
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
