i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
