Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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