She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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